Turns out it was LinkedIn depressing me

I cannot tell you how many times I deleted my social media accounts over the years. April 2020 was the first time I logged out of Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and Facebook. After a stint of disabling all accounts, I eventually deleted them all. I only ever returned to Instagram and LinkedIn, setting up new accounts for each, and have since left Instagram (a number of time). I even went as far as deleting WhatsApp, which I discussed in another blog post, and to this day (June 2025), have not returned to.

I saw Twitter and Instagram as the real negative emotion/thought triggers. They were the ones sucking my time and making me feel terrible about myself. Yet I saw LinkedIn as harmless business networking. I never once thought it might be also be affecting how I feel about myself.

Until today.

I logged in, as I do daily (yes daily!) to scroll through the worst algorithm (it shows me the same posts over the last two weeks - yes, please ask why I even log in), and I saw a new post of someone announcing their new job. I wouldn't have paid any attention if it weren't for the fact that I was shortlisted for this job and almost got it.

I was told that I did great, that it wasn't due to my skills or experience that I didn't get the job, but because I needed to bring in X amount of money to the consultancy, something that I didn't feel confident saying I could do (as I have been working for myself the past few years and have lost confidence in my abilities). Those who know me know I am not a sales person, I am painfully honest, transparent and do my best to help solve problems. Yet once I saw their experience, I realised that mine was very specific to the job at hand. Although I believe in things happening for a reason, I couldn't help but feel a sting in my heart that maybe I was more appropriate for the role, which triggered sadness and a low mood for hours.

Then the penny dropped. I have spent months ruminating over how it seems everyone else in my industry is happy and successful, acing their careers. Everyone else has it figured it out, knowing where their place is in the industry and carving their niche of how to make the most of it. Everyone else is busy working on exciting projects, or starting new roles.

Only last year I had a similar experience of seeing someone announce a contract on LinkedIn (that I didn't know existed) on some very specific work that I would have loved and had been discussing publicly for a year previous. It triggered deep bitterness in me, which I discussed in this podcast episode.

All this made me feel terrible. I felt like my career growth stunted ten years ago and I was never able to climb the ladder. The business I had wanted to establish ever since I was little failed wonderfully (which I wrote about here) and left me struggling financially over the last few years. I have a few clients who keep me ticking over which I am deeply grateful for, but I still feel incompetent. I certainly don't feel like i'm #bossingit or anything as such.

All of this criticism seems to be triggered by near daily scrolling of LinkedIn, reminding me of what I didn't have, achieve or do. Yet I know that comparison is the thief of joy. I know that everything happens for a reason. I know that really all this is determined, and I know that resisting what is, is what causes unhappiness. Yet I was still doing it! All by myself, to myself.

LinkedIn was mirroring my internal judgment.

Hibernating my account isn't going to solve the problem of feeling terrible about my career, but I believe it's a start on this journey of quitting self flagalation. The more I look under the hood of my behaviour, the more I see just how cruel I am to myself, and how this is mirrored in my world. The more I see this, the more it loses its power and falls away. The cruetly subsides and my life experience magically improves.

It really is quite amazing just how much we are unconsciously comparing ourselves to others on a moment by moment basis. Guilt demands punishment, so everytime I feel this way, it backfires on me later on. The more I can set up boundaries (as I discuss in this podcast episode) and protect my mind and mental health, the better I feel. The mind runs rings around us every moment of every day, controlling from the subconscious. It takes such strength and conviction to become aware of this, and mind our minds. Our whole world is experienced through the lens of what state our mind is. As the Buddhist saying goes:

We are what we think.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts we make the world.
Speak or act with an impure mind, and trouble will follow you, as the wheels that follows the ox that draws the cart.
Speak or act with a pure mind, and happiness will follow you, as your shadow unshaken.

Hate never yet dispelled hate, only love dispels hate. This is the law, ancient and inexhaustible.